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I still remember the conversation my wife Gabrielle and I had in the car 21 years ago regarding what we were going to do. We had just received the official diagnosis that our son Jacob had Autism, ADHD and OCD. Jacob was five-years-old at the time and, in 2003, there weren’t many resources available. We committed to understanding the diagnosis and providing him with the support he would need. Truth be told, I was the unrealistic optimist and Gabrielle was the one who did the heavy lifting in learning about what was available.
We had to figure things out as we went, often feeling like we were on the front lines of
navigating autism. IEPs became a regular part of our yearly schedule. We learned that
occupational therapy is not for someone who needs job counseling, speech therapy is not just for a student with a speech impediment, and meltdowns are not because our child was just trying to get his way.
The day he received his high school diploma, we felt like we had accomplished a great deal. But then we had to ask, what next? What do we do now that he’s not in school? How do we help him navigate this new phase of his life?
We have always understood that Jacob needed more than just our support, but now he craved independence. By the time he hit his early twenties, the typical teenage rebelliousness seemed to be in full force, just delayed. There were more days than not when he would act out in all the ways that a parent with a child like Jacob is familiar with, frustrated by his lack of freedom. It was tough, but we understood it. He was growing up and wanted to live on his own terms. Once again, we felt like we were on the front end of figuring out this journey of supporting someone with special needs.
Gabrielle and I started looking into different options for Jacob’s future. We considered special housing in our area, but all group homes with the support Jacob required were out of our price range—some places cost upwards of $9,000 a month, which was far beyond what we could afford. We even thought about moving to a new home with an in-law suite, but nothing on-the-market fit our budget. It felt like we were stuck. We needed a solution that would give Jacob the space he needed while keeping him close enough for us to continue providing support.
In January of 2023, we made the decision to move forward on an idea we had talked about for a few years–building a detached, freestanding home for Jacob in our backyard. These units are officially called Accessory Dwelling Units or ADUs. You may have also heard them referred to as mother-in-law units (not very fair to the fathers if you ask me) or Casitas (meaning “small house” for our non-spanish speaking friends). As someone who works in design and construction, I knew the stresses that a large building project can have on a family.
That’s when we found Villa Homes. Villa is the largest builder of ADUs in California, and after doing some research, we realized this could be the perfect option for us. We were impressed with Villa’s efficiency. They use prefabricated designs, which meant the build could happen quickly and cost-effectively. From groundbreaking to the final inspection, it took less than six months—something we never thought possible in this industry.
You can check out a video I took of the completed home getting delivered by crane. There were still some stressful moments such as when the ADU was going directly over the top of our neighbors newly remodeled house. You can imagine how much we hoped that the straps would hold.
Jacob’s ADU is a 480-square-foot, one-bedroom, one-bath unit, right in our backyard. The county even provided us with a $63,000 forgivable loan, which made the project much more affordable. We moved forward quickly, knowing that this was the best way to give Jacob his own space while ensuring he had the support he needed.
When the ADU was finished, we threw a housewarming party for Jacob. Over 100 friends and family members came to celebrate his new home. We decorated it with memorabilia from his favorite teams—the Oakland A’s, the Philadelphia Phillies, and the Las Vegas Raiders. Seeing Jacob so happy, knowing he had his own place to call home, was a feeling we’ll never forget.
Now, Jacob splits his time between his ADU and our house. At least he knocks most of the time before opening the back door and entering the house in the morning. He’s more independent than ever, but we’re still here when he needs us. The ADU has given him the autonomy he craved, while also providing us with peace of mind. We know that even as he grows, he’ll always have a safe, stable place to live.
He recently told me that he loves the ADU because it is his own house. He is always ready to offer a drink to a visitor or invite them to play a video game. We even heard from my parents during our weekly card game that Jacob had invited the rest of the family over for a family dinner (not sure if we’re invited). It goes to show that while giving independence can be intimidating for parents, it allows our children to progress. He is able to demonstrate the truth in the statement that there is more happiness in giving than in receiving.
For parents out there who have children with special needs, we understand the fear and
uncertainty that comes with planning for the future. We’ve lived it. But finding a solution like this has given our family a sense of hope and relief. It’s not always easy, but when you can create a space where your child can thrive, it’s all worth it.
If you’re facing a similar situation, You’re are encouraged to explore every option, and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Sometimes, the answer is closer than you think—just 30 feet away.
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